TRIGGER WARNING: A Play Doh version of this post is available for those who are easily
offended
~
Vocal critic of Gamergate
and one true Scotsman, Josh McIntosh, has revealed that he is
tormented by a privileged white male who silently stalks him through
reflective surfaces.
The pan-dimensional entity
has been described to the FBI by McIntosh as “a stereotypical white
masculine construct exemplifying the dominant patriarchal system.”
Speaking about his
experience of being stalked, McIntosh said:
“For as long as I can
remember an embodiment of the white male supremacy trope has dogged
my footsteps. I may occasionally lose him in a crowd but he always
finds me.”
Ask whether the
mirror-dweller had ever directly threatened or attempted to harm him,
McIntosh responded:
“By occupying a space in
my eye-line that could be more appropriately filled by a less
privileged archetype - a woman, an ethnic minority, or somebody who
thinks they are an Angelfish trapped in a human body - my stalker has
made himself an active participant in the exclusion of genders,
races, and minorities, and the silencing of their voices.
“The very fact that he
has chosen to stalk me as opposed to a poor woman of colour marks his
actions as both sexist and racist.”
Speculating on the
possible origins of his tormentor, McIntosh said:
“Occasionally I will see
him wearing clothing with backwards writing on it, or carrying
literature phrased in what appears the Cyrillic alphabet. This leads
me to believe that he may be Russian.”
He added:
“I was horrified on one occasion when I caught sight of my work colleague, Anita Sarkeesian,
standing behind this man, having apparently been kidnapped by him.
“Despite my concerns for
Anita's safety and well-being, I knew that she would not want me to
engage in the damsel in distress trope by attempting to rescue her.
Having turned my back on the mirror, with the intention of walking
away, I was heartened to discover that Anita had already escaped the
clutches of her captor requiring no help from either myself or Mario.
“After this I don't see
how anybody can say that Gamergate is not a violent hate group that
targets women.”
Asked whether he had ever
been tempted to confront his stalker, McIntosh replied:
“I will not conform to
the masculine trope of employing violence as a means to an end; not
while Orwellian behaviour modification remains an option.
“At first I attempted to
create divergent paths for my stalker's masculinity with the addition
of further mirrors. Unfortunately this resulted in a toxic
replication of an undesirable stereotype, leading to what I would
describe as a dangerous hyper-masculinity.”
McIntosh added that, in
an attempt to bring matters to a non-violent ending, he had studied at
length the lyrics to the Michael Jackson hit 'Man in the Mirror' but
had so-far reached no firm conclusions.
Jeff Lintman – a barista
at the Flat White Knights Coffee Emporium in San Francisco said:
“While I broadly agree
with Josh's outlook on things, he is the only person I know who will
routinely drop the word 'hegemony' into a drinks order. It
is for this reason alone that I hope his mirror-bound nemesis finds a
way of dragging him through the looking glass and imprisoning him in
an alternate dimension forever.”
Some kid called Kyle Reese
who hangs around outside MODE 5's California offices said:
“My mother told me that
if you say Josh McIntosh's name three times in front of a
mirror, he will appear in the room and lecture you on why all your
Star Wars action figures are racist and why Boba Fett's Mandalorian
battle armour oppresses women.”
Reese added:
“It's tough finding the
money to buy Star Wars figures when you're a 7 year old kid being
forced to pay alimony to a girl who has given birth to a son fathered
by your future self. Actually I'm not supposed to talk about any of
this on account of the gagging order.”
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