Saturday, 1 August 2015

(Satire) Amateur sleuth, Jessica Fletcher to investigate GamerGate

Amateur sleuth and habitual crime scene contaminator, Jessica Fletcher, will investigate GamerGate in an episode of Murder She Wrote that was filmed in 1985.

Former executives at the CBS television network confirmed that while nosing around the murder scene of the saltwater taffy magnate, Geraldine Standish, in her hometown of Cabot Cove, Maine, Fletcher will find herself drawn into the murky underworld of a grassroots consumer movement that campaigns for ethics in gaming journalism.

Town sherif, Jim Raynor told Mode5: 

“I am confident that with the assistance of the inveterate busybody Fletcher we will be able to quickly bring to justice the murderer of the beloved Cabot Cove matriarch, Ms Standish. 

“A flier for a Galaxy Invaders tournament found at the crime scene leads us to suspect that the killer may also be the shadowy figurehead behind the GamerGate movement. Consequently we will be focusing our initial inquiries on a local teen hoodlum who I can confirm will be played by an actor in his early 30s.”

The episode titled Wings of Liberty, which guest stars Leonard Nimoy (aka Spock from Star Trek) alongside a number of flat-haired men and women sporting gigantic, gravity-defying perms and shoulder-padded, pastel-toned jackets, will see Fletcher and the sherif as dinner guests stranded in an isolated beach house during a torrential thunderstorm that knocks out the power. 

Retired CBS President told Mode5:

“The motive as I recall was something to do with the Standish woman intending to rewrite her will after she found out that her son, played by Leonard Nimoy, was conspiring to drive women out of videogaming. He was eventually caught due to a discrepancy in the hi scores table of a Galaxy Invaders arcade machine caused by the power outage. 

“Of course back then no one on the production team had the first clue what videogaming was.”

Episode writer, Edward Pippin, reminisced:

“When it came to writing the script we wanted to portray videogame culture as it might be understood by a small conservative community on the east coast of the United States in the mid 1980s, with a murder rate on par with contemporary Baltimore.”

A preview of the episode screened at E3 earlier this year scored favourably among gamers. One blogger wrote:

“Compared to the GamerGate-inspired episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and the coverage given by media outlets such as ABC and MSNBC, Murder She Wrote: Wings of Liberty is the most accurate depiction of GamerGate so far.”

While the fictionalised arrest of the self-styled leader of GamerGate has been welcomed by many within the social justice community, a spokesperson for the Supreme Court warned:

“The unalloyed truth is that nobody has been responsible for more hardened criminals escaping justice than Jessica Fletcher.

The facts speak for themselves: The majority of the investigations she has been involved in have been thrown out of court due to the onsite contamination of forensic evidence, confessions of dubious provenance, accusations of entrapment, or highly convoluted and implausible accounts of the crimes that are alleged to have taken place.

“If history is any indicator then this menace to society will be back out on the streets of Cabot Cove and goosing Miss Pacman before you can say ‘Skate or die’”.

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