For the Gayle family of
Brainerd, Minnesota, the home delivery of a brand new American flag
is a cherished weekly tradition.
“I don't recall how new
flag Tuesdays first came about,” says father of three, Gerry Gayle.
“I guess it's because I order a new flag online every Saturday
morning and it takes a few days for it to arrive here from the
National Flag Certification Depot in Oklahoma. On old flag Sundays
the entire family takes a leisurely eight-hour drive down to the flag
cemetery in Brandon where the flag from the previous week is buried
with full military honours.”
Last year Gerry made the
difficult decision to break ties with the mom and pop flag brokers
that his family has used for three generations:
“I found out they were
using Chinese cotton in their flags. That kind of soured the milk for
me.
“We had a family meeting
where it was agreed unanimously that, from here-on, we would purchase
our flags from a manufacturer located in what we deemed to be the
most patriotic American state. In establishing which of the 50 states
best deserved this accolade we looked at indicators such as the ratio
of bald eagles per person and the number of miracles attributed to
sightings of the ghost of Ronald Reagan.”
After much research and
discussion, the Gayles elected to buy their American flags from a
supplier in South Carolina. However, at the last minute, Gayle vetoed
the family vote, and made the unilateral decision to do business with
a new flag broker based in San Francisco, California. It was a spur
of the moment act that would eventually land him with a criminal
record.
“They [the San
Franciso-based flag brokers] had a great website. On screen it seemed
like a really good deal. In retrospect that should have sent alarm
bells ringing. I guess that I saw the money I could save and I let
that get ahead of common sense.
“I ordered the flag on
Saturday morning after breakfast as per usual. The money disappeared
from my bank account immediately and I noticed that a small,
previously unmentioned surcharge had been added to the overall cost,
but was happy to let it slide.”
It was only after money
had changed hands that Gayle began to run into problems with his
broker:
“The first flag took
several weeks to arrive which meant that we had to keep the old flag
around the place for way longer than I was comfortable. I would say
that the absolute maximum amount of time that you can keep a flag
flying before taking it down and replacing it is a fortnight. I kept
this one flying for almost 13 weeks - so long in fact that it was
awarded a medal by the National Flag Cemetery for distinguished
service and qualified for a basic army pension.
“During that time the
broker continued to take money from my bank account for seven-day
flag deliveries. I attempted to contact them by phone and by email
but nobody ever responded.
“When the flag finally
arrived the certification paperwork seemed to be in order. I breathed
a huge sigh of relief. Then I opened the packaging and that relief
turned to despair”:
Old Glory had undergone a
dramatic transformation: Gone was the navy blue canton with its
regimented galaxy of 50 stars. Vanished too was the orderly field of
red and white furrows. In their place was an obnoxious turquoise
background bearing the crudely rendered slogan: “Criticism is
rape.”
Was this a genuine
American flag? Gerry Gayle took it to a close friend, Kyle Glaspy,
for an appraisal. Glaspy's long experience of handling American flags
includes a level four classification in flag governance, making him
one of only 15 technicians in the United States who are qualified to
operate flags whose area exceeds 40 square feet.
Glaspy examined the flag
and confirmed his friend's suspicions:
“Overall the workmanship
was poor. The corners weren't precisely right-angled and the material
had ragged edges, as if it had been cut by hand using blunt flag
shears or, even worse, with a pair of scissors. There were no eyelets
on the top or bottom left-hand corners of the flag to accommodate the
snap hooks that would facilitate attachment to the halyard.”
“Kyle and I were both
uncomfortable with the overlying message of the flag,” says Gayle.
“I guess America has to
move with the times, and far be it from me to stall the march of
progress. But the tone seemed like a blatant and unconscionable
attack on free speech and therefore counter to the first amendment of
the U.S. constitution.”
Following the completion
of his inspection Glaspy broke the news to his friend: He had fallen
victim to a false flag scam:
“To the layman these
false flags can appeared real. Closer inspection you will usually
reveal that they embody a set of values very different to those laid
down by our great nation's founding fathers, and by the mélange of
stateless corporate interests that continue to mould contemporary
America.”
The rise in the number of
false flags has increased dramatically over the past decade. This
upsurge has been driven in part by the growth of the Social Justice
movement who use false flags as a means of generating revenue to fund
their paramilitary operations both at home and abroad. A proportion
of the income produced is put towards the purchase of the chemicals
necessary to create a blue pill that turns body hair an obnoxious
turquoise colour when ingested, while diminishing powers of logic, empathy and rationality and occasionally causing weight gain.
So why don't the Social
Justice Activists go legitimate and produce flags that meet the
burgeoning public demand for the good old Stars and Stripes? Glaspy
thinks that he knows the answer:
“My guess is that they
lack the talent, the skill-set or the dedication to produce quality
American flags. All they can create are these turquoise
monstrosities”
He holds up a recent
example, this one bearing the slogan:
“The damsel in distress
trope that currently forms the dominant paradigm in contemporary
gaming culture is misogynistic and problematic.”
“You can't imagine
anybody wanting to salute that on Veterans Day.”
The story of Gerry Gayle's
false flag does not have a happy ending:
“Since we couldn't use
the flag for its intended purpose we decided that we would use it as
a tablecloth on Thanksgiving,” he says.
Unfortunately for the
Gayles a passing sheriff spotted the cloth through the window of
their front room and notified the FBI. Hours later law enforcement
officers from five separate agencies stormed the Gayle family home.
Gerry Gayle was charged with deployment of an illegal tablecloth –
an activity classified as an act of domestic terrorism. He was
arrested and taken to jail where he was to spend the next four months.
“The proportions and
dimensions of the false flag made it inappropriate for use as a
tablecloth under current U.S. law,” says Agent Wendy Ross of the
FBI homeware division. “Sure you can use it as a tablecloth,
in Castro's Cuba maybe, where that kind of thing flies. In America we
hold ourselves to a higher standard. Gerry Gayle broke the rules and
that's why he went to jail.”
Following a local campaign
Gayle's seven year prison sentence was commuted to a 200 hour
community service order that saw him picking up trash on Minnesota
State Highway 371. He has been banned for
life from owning tablecloths and, most humiliating of all, was made
to present himself in person at all kitchen and homeware goods stores
within a 60 mile radius of his place of residence and inform the
management of his criminal status.
“My daddy almost went to
prison for seven years. It was scary,” says his youngest daughter,
Elaine.
At the time of press Gerry
Gayle's ongoing woes were far from over:
“On paper it's illegal
for me to retain possession of the false flag but I can't legally
dispose of it either. There's a lot of paperwork that needs to be
filled in and a lot fences to hurdle before it can be legally burnt.
In the interim no one will provide storage so I'm having to keep it
on my property, which is in violation of my probation order. My home
could be raided and I could be arrested and sent back to jail at any
time.”
Does he have a message
that he would like to share with other American flag buyers?
“I would urge all
patriotic Americans to think very carefully when selecting a flag
broker. Do some research into who exactly is selling you the flag.
Ask yourselves: who am I dealing with? Do they have a track record
for honesty? Are they trustworthy? Are they in the flag business for
the love of their country, or are there other less noble motivations
in play?”
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