Thursday, 2 April 2015

MODE 5 introduces site policy on jug placement

Trigger Warning: Contain jugs

After much soul searching, MODE 5 has taken the bold decision to introduce a policy that will regulate the placement of jugs in the images that appear on our website. We would like to assure our loyal cadre of oldfags, the new visitors to our site, and the various web crawlers that stumble onto our web page and eventually have their legs pulled off by Gary, our site admin, that this small change to our content will, in no way, impact upon the trace elements of humour that have become MODE 5's calling card. 

We don't want to take your jugs away from you. We are introducing this measure to ensure that a visit to MODE 5 remains a positive and inclusive experience not just for a perverted jug-obsessed minority, but also for those acutely-sensitive citizens of the internet who seldom, if ever, visit our site, but who are none-the-less greatly offended by its contents.

Below we have included a pictorial guide to our new site policy. And remember, if you still want to look at uncensored photos of jugs there are still a lot really great free sites out there featuring images of jugs pouring liquids, and pairs of jugs splattered with mayonnaise, with massive sausages thrust in between.

~ backwards7 (Site Editor)

This overtly sexualised image (left) of a pair of jugs squeezed tightly together used to be common place on the old MODE 5 website. We have all grown a lot as individuals since the photo first graced our pages back in December 2014. During the intervening months I have fathered no less than eight daughters. My experience of watching them growing up, flowering into womanhood, leaving for university to pursue careers in gender studies, and gaining financial independence with their first Patreon accounts, has changed my outlook. What at the time seemed like a harmless jpeg I now recognise as deeply sexist and, as such, something that has no place on a family orientated website.

This is the last image of its kind that you are going to see on MODE 5.

As of April 2nd 2015, all images of jugs on MODE 5 will require the vessels to be spaced a minimum of six inches (one standard American penis length) apart.

We feel that this will ensure a conformable viewing experience for our visitors, as well as neutralising the one-eyed Sauron-like male gaze that has become the scourge of inequality online.

In non-peer reviewed research carried out by Social Justice Scientists, 75% percent of males who viewed images of jugs spaced more than eight inches apart reported no sexual arousal. 

At MODE 5 we want our visitors to be mildly sexually aroused and so have chosen a distance of six inches by way of compromise. 


Some jugs dispense milk while others contain Sangria. MODE 5 recognises and celebrates the diversity of jug contents.


MODE 5 acknowledges that not all jugs are the same: Like the quivering rack of the three-breasted mutant hooker in Total Recall some are plain weird looking, and yet all are beautiful. 


Long time MODE 5 contributor Charlotte (formerly Carl) struggled with the trauma of being a jug trapped in a pot's body. Last year she took the first transformative steps towards becoming the person who she always knew she was. MODE 5 believes that everyone should have the freedom to realise their own identity without the fear of prejudice or violence. 


This is assault. We are going to use Tin-Eye to find out whose hand this is. When we know who you are, we will notify the FBI Gamergate Task Force and the Crash Override Network and take bets on who will catch up with your jug-molesting arse first.

Enjoy the view from your jail cell Shitlord.

No comments:

Post a Comment