Friday, 9 October 2015

(SATIRE) Frau Nyberg's Finest Social Justice Butt Salt

When the edgelording is over


Frau Nyberg's Finest Social Justice Butt Salt

An artisan rebel salt, Nyberg's patented compound forgoes a traditional sodium chloride formulation in favour of elements not found on professor Mendeleev's periodic table!

Our producers drink male tears to ensure a saltier end product.

unbalances any composition no matter how well assembled.

no more triggering salt cellars that resemble small, stumpy penises. you will receive your envelopes of salt in twelve irregular instalments over the course of 50 years.


Read glowing testimonials from our customers

everything is under-salted and you have to point it all out”

- jonita McKeesian (Scotland)

Sirs, I am a regular diner at Dolly's Chop House on Fleet street and recently ordered 'the Sirloin steak plus' which I assumed would be an absolutely massive slab of meat. The steak arrived smothered in Nyberg's Butt salt and was inedible. On reflection I feel this experience has taught me a valuable lesson regarding male privilege.”

- Mr D. Pargin

I have incorporated Nyberg's social Justice butt salt into all aspects of my daily life and can confirm that this abrasive condiment is the literal ruin of anything that it touches.”

- Ms L. Hu (Quinnland)


We are confident of the quality of our butt salt and will aggressively defend our reputation from critics.

the names and home address of inferior salt producers will be circulated among our supporters.

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