Thursday, 10 December 2015

(SATIRE) Anita Sarkeesian fumbled crucial U.N. mic drop

Feminist Frequency mascot, Anita Sarkeesian, failed to drop the mic while addressing the United Nations earlier this year, leaving delegates confused and doubtful as to the sincerity of her stance on issues affecting women in videogaming.

The botched conclusion to what should have been a triumphant address occurred during an assembly of the U.N. women's coalition, in September, where the “rising tide of online violence against women and girls” was discussed before the Broadband Commission Working Group on Gender.

Witnesses present at the commission claim that Sarkeesian ended her speech by reading scripted stage instructions out loud off an autocue.

Mobile phone footage has now surfaced showing the half-orc, Feminist Frequency puppet master - Josh 'my name is Jonathan' McIntosh, viewing the debate from a male quarantine area, covering his astonished face with both hands and shaking his head as his prodigy finishes her robotic address with the words:

Peace out. Mic drop. Exit stage immediately.”

As Sarkeesian remains standing motionless on the platform, still holding the microphone and gazing at the autocue, awaiting further instructions, a ripple of confusion in the audience gives way to scattered applause.

The revelation comes as a further blow to the shop-soiled credibility of the beleaguered Sarkeesian, whose face was recently removed from the Feminist Frequency Twitter account and replaced by a Picasso painting titled – Tampons in Spring – an abstract depicting the used feminine sanitary products of the painter, Marie Laurencin.

Critics and jaded supporters alike have spoken disparagingly of Sarkeesian's tendency to read anything that is put in front of her. In June, 2014, this resulted in an incident at Oberlin College and Conservatory where an alleged software glitch saw her give a deadpan rendition of the classic Doctor Who episode - Genesis of the Daleks to a packed auditorium.

In this case, Sarkeesian's reputation was only saved by a gushing article in the Huffington Post praising her as a modern-day teller of parables, comparing the Daleks to the much-maligned GamerGate movement and their malevolent creator - the crippled genius Davros - to the 8chan administrator – Hotwheelz.

Since its invention in 69BC, by the Roman orator - Cicero, the mic drop has been a powerful weapon in the arsenal of the public speaker: Typically a lecturer will discard the mic directly after finishing their address, before affecting an unhurried exit from the stage, without acknowledging the thunderous applause from the audience. The implication is that the speaker's arguments are so powerful that there is no need for them to hold on to the means to respond to any rebuttal, since there can be no comeback.

Mic dropping is outlawed in most parliaments but is still allowed at the U.N. where attempts to outlaw the practice have been defeated by a powerful voting block headed by Russia.

When MODE 5 attempted to contact Anita Sarkeesian for comment, we were told by a Feminist Frequency spokesperson:

Anita has gone away forever to live on a nice farm upstate, where there is plenty of space for her to run around and play.”

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